your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
