Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yo dont text me then not text me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
