"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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