She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
