i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
