I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
