You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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