so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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