afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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