Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
