Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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