mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
