i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
