i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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