I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
