Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
