Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
