My first STD was from a foam party
Soap is not a condiment
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
