I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Michael Bay diarrhea
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
