fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
