fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
