You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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