I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
