His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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