im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
