Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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