After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
