So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
