Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
