I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
