You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
