She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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