I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
