she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
