Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
