we were pretty classy up until the second keg
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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