Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
