yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
