Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
