porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
