Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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