so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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