After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
