all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
