I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
