last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
