We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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