If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
