last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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