Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm having to shit out rocks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
