can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
