marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
