Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
