i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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