i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
