This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
